a note from Camus.,

"On the depth of every beauty there’s something inhuman, and here is the hills, the mellowness of the sky, the outline of the trees loses, at the same time, the illusory sense with which we’ve clothed, already further than a paradise lost. Primitive hostility of the world ascends to us, through millenniums. For a second, we cannot understand it anymore, because for centuries we didn’t understand in it the figures and the drawings that we have previously attributed, and because by now we miss the forces to use this artifice. The world is evading, because it returns to itself. The scenes, misstated for habitude, become what they are and they’re pulling away from us. Like it happens some days, when, under a woman’s familiar face, we find out almost a stranger who for months or years ago we loved, probably we end to desire also what suddenly make us so lonely. But time is not over yet. There’s only one thing to notice: this density and this oddness of the world constitute the absurd."

                   I have to thank my parents for giving birth to  me at least by the late 20^th Century.

 The 20^th century began on January 1, 1901 and ended on December 31, 2000, it was eventful and action-packed with futuristic sci-fi imagery. India veered its path from the East Indian Community in the mid-twentieth century. In the midst of all the War themed activities, I deeply miss the art and movies that were unshackled in all directions during this interval. All articles churned, were the first one of its kind. All these yesteryear events give me a sense of Monumentality!!

Monumentality...

Monumentality can be experienced in every column of the 20^th century, from horses to horse power. Science, Agriculture, Industrial revolution, Rise and fall of nations, Teachings of various philosophers, Arts and Literature, Sports, Dolly- the sheep, The first Trip to Moon, Computers and Internet -all arranged like magazines in a book store shelf.

Humans were wealthy with resources in surplus, never knew the fear of Global warming, they had plenty water and ponds for fishing, picturesque animals to hunt and embrace, they made their houses from the top notch trees, they had festivals to celebrate the arrival of spring and sowing of seeds, they had people to attend to them, no one knew much about the ill effects of smoking and psychedelics so no one told a big no to it, they would dance until their hip can’t move, they knew that they were still far away from saturation so they flaunted their strength and  fertility by producing n number offspring and no one would come asking, they danced with their swords to depict victory.

 Humans would create new reasons to live creatively rather sitting back and ordering vegetables on various apps. The counter-cultural hippies and other humans who endured Nietzsche and other philosophers   wandered the earth connecting to a new knowledge order. People used to drop out from becoming doctors to fight for the oppressed. They had the people who would go to jail for decades together for the freedom of their people and their nation. They saw people who had fury and revolution etched deeply in them with honor. There were poor peasants fighting landlords with bow and arrows, there were survivors from many things who still had upright spine in work. Being an outlaw or a rebel was not considered pretentious.

I thank my parents for the candid timing, I spare you the biological details which put me and my brother out in the ultimate years of the 20^th century.  

                                                               

                                                        excerpts form my diary entry.

My note to ftii                                                                                                     7^th February 2017

Why do you think you want to join this field of study? 

 
A rhetoric cut.                                                                      

Cinema is a potential medium where one can express oneself! Its drama, its nuances, its color, its people, its chaos...has always complimented this mode of communication. The intriguing intricate nature of the art forced me to introspect, eventually widening up my perspective “The depth of my perspective is directly proportional to the depth of the Art I create”. The movies I watched all these days put me through desperation, which inspired me to take up cinema as my pursuit, irrespective of its deceiving nature

An underdog but a probable candidate. 

Cinema is a potential medium where one can express oneself! Its drama, its nuances, its color, its people, its chaos...has always complimented this mode of communication. This advantage of cinema can be instrumental in inspiring me to push my limits and eventually give life to my thoughts. I preferred this course to honor my wish of bringing out my thoughts to life, and show them to the audience in a cinema-scope format.




                                                                                                                                   4 ^th April 2017

                                          Source- somewhere from the internet.

I was in a bus. The bus was in a narrow street. The street was congested. Another bus approaches in, making it half parallel to my bus. The front seats of the approaching bus filled with worn faces. Like the movies we see, both the buses move slowly to clear. I saw this strong eyed old man with grey curly beard. We gazed into each other’s eyes as if we were checking if something was gazing back at us from our depths.

For me the buses felt like two prison vehicles carrying prisoners, and i one among them. As i could see only old people in the approaching bus, I used the advantage. I thought it like the Old prisoners are moved to some other prison and my bus is taking us to their old estranged cells.

We don’t own our independent lives! we are made to believe that we are enjoying our autonomy. We boast about the things, which we think we accomplished it...it is not even closer!. Our lives here today have become easy and comfortable, we seldom move our ass.The tiredness from our non-viscous lives tell us, to stay with no Imagination, to stay selfish by disrupting the flow of information, to disrupt the flow of our independent thinking. We seal our ears and screen our eyes in a way that we don’t see real and happening getting booked and taken away.

Just in case, the cynic in you should help. By unleashing your wishes, the wishes which you thought is not in accordance with the standards set by the society and its leaders. By adding more fire to your dystopian fury.
By realizing that the consequences are between good and bad, and not between good and evil.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     10^th, May 2017    

 

Some time it is better to walk around our neighbourhood, no one knows who could use our help!

Today I thought to walk home from 12^th main road, it was a 7km walk. I reached near this garment outlet in Thirumangalam. As I was getting nearer to the signal post, I see this man lying on the ground, at first I thought he was some drunken man lying down and showing some tricks, as I went nearer I realized the man was struggling with fits (seizure). I was like flashing back all those things done to a person struggling with fits. Luckily our man was lying near this iron Junction Box. I grabbed his hands and pulled him nearer to the box, then released his tightly held fingers to fix his hand to the iron legs of the Junction box. By this time few people came helping. I ran to the garment outlet to bring some water for the struggling man. I learnt that a man struggling with fits should not be given water, an old man from the helping crowd said to me. As I got the water I wanted to use it somehow on the man, so I washed his face. The man was made to sit straight. He was totally pissed and annihilated. He settled down gradually. The old man who taught me not to give water for the person struggling with fits asked him where he stayed...i asked for his friends or relatives contact number.

The ol’ man who taught me not to give water for the person struggling with fits said him that he shall drop him at his place.

Hence tranquility returned.

                                         

                                                                                                                                 

                                                                                                                                     11^th, May 2017 

                              

Some time it is better to walk our neighborhood, no one knows who could help you and who could use your help!

Today I woke up a bit early than every day. My mom was getting prepared to leave for work. As I was awake I thought to accompany mom till her bus, which is a short walk.

On the way a needy man approached us...my mom reached for her purse in her bag but she couldn’t find it. So, I asked her to wait till I go home to bring back the purse...at the same time the man raised a request to bring him few cotton shirts as the May heat was blistering. He asked it in such a way were the rational you and the human you would have an immense sync! for which you will feel truly obligated to help. I went back home to bring my mom’s purse, few cotton shirts and a bottle of water.

A man recovered his trust in humanity by thanking us. This event was concluded with a subtle rain as a credit for the humanity.

 So this was the catch for the day! Get out on your feet some time to see you helping and you getting helped.

                                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                               19^th May, 2017.

I think when most parents reach their 50’s 60’s; they pull out some guilt tripping tantrums. Today it was from my hero little father...he is the master at guilt initiating talks. He says like this, I don’t know if we children would take care of them parents when they become old. I never liked it, the heat in our conversation raised...mom left the scene though. He comes like this again I don’t care if you don’t take care of us also, then why would he say something like this then?

I think this is some kind of survival mechanism put forth by the people of that age demography. I suppose some kind of insecurity feel develops when man is about to enter old age. They may feel that their control in some areas is slowly moving to the hands of the young. So, eventually a survival instinct in them evolved human beings wake up to showcase these kind of responses just to pacify them, reassure again and again to confirm that they can be confident with their children, that they shall take care of them.

                                                         

                                         autonomy

Characters

Vandhana - The smart the very very good looking young mallu girl from Hyderabad, who is pursuing MS in The US. Her basic interests are songs, drawing(her parents are not aware of this skill of their child...she says), she enjoys watching cricket and she was a great wicket keeper in her school cricket team, she was the only girl player. As every girl she also survived epic brake ups, she has traveled to Amsterdam from The US...hoping to reunite with her love interest. The try had failed miserably.

Parvathi - The cool ass! Vandhana’s cousin who travels at will!! All the groping stories that went rounds in and around India, which scared the shit out of every woman, never even found a place in Parvathi’s list of concerns. She is an Impromptu song maker...Vandhana says it’s always fun too hang out with her. A total extrovert who goes by the saying yolo (you only live once).

Sadhana- A Kick ass final year instrumentation student...who has just realized that she had taken her own time to finish the course. This lady was suspended and was asked to repeat a year for not having sufficient attendance...She is an aspiring and ambitious film maker who really works hard to make things come out in her desired way, she is expressive,self learned artist and a painter, well read and always open to discuss grossest of grossest things ever, and once when she was punch drunk she confessed that she is bisexual. The people who knew her believed that she would make it big in art and film making.

Kaushik- College buddy of Vandhana, he very well knew Sadhana as she used to come to their college to meet Vandhana.

Bala Abirami- An engineer who knows how to make Drones. Now she makes Drones for the

Government, and also owns a car. Bala, kaushik,Vandhana, Breeze had studied together in same

College. As sadhana knew kaushik...she knew Bala Abirami also. She forgets Tamil when she is

Drunk as hell,which makes her to speak only in English. She is short enough for her tall boy friend to kiss on her fore head...She also manages to drive her car through the traffic with her gifted height.

Varsha - The impulsive and rock star type looking girl is a civil engineering graduate. Varsha is also a mallu girl. She always enjoyed watching movies and talking about them (calls herself a proud cinephile) which inspired her to apply for Pune film institute exams for Direction and screenplay writing course. She drools when she sees flashy cars (only cars and fond of Benz). She is ocdic with health and stuffs. She used to drink like fish but for some reason she has stopped it nowadays, when asked about this decision, she says that she feels that it has become pretentious.

Shivani- She studied civil engineering with Varsha, unlike Varsha she was brilliant in her studies but unfortunately landed as an IT professional.She is fond of drinking and at the same time she is totally worried about her lazy pot belly that won’t move.She loves bikes,and she rides a Royal Enfield Classic350 with which she looks brilliant.

Shakthi- Ms. know all, she aspires to become an IAS officer...who never accepts defeat, her love for Maths is synonymous with the depths of calculus, she has fallen in love with someone very recently, she creates brilliant Tamil poetic lines. She hates it when someone uses cuss words to her (she thinks she is a big bad mother fucker). People who knows Shakthi believe that she will become a promising IAS candidate one day.

Varsha, Shakthi, shivani and Sadhana are intimate old friends who studied and lived in same college as per the orders of natural selection.

The Plot- All these events unfolds in one day.

Vandhana is back to India for a two week holiday. During her trip to India, she plans to go to Kerala

which is her home town, and also to meet and chill with her cousin Parvathi,also pack her along for the trip.

Then she goes to Chennai to search her long lost college bud, who they call breeze. There Sadhana joins them for the unfolding sequences.

Then off to Hyderabad where her family lives.

Now the March month has given its first Friday. Vandhana and Parvathi have arrived at Chennai Central. Sadhana arrived by bus from her college in Tanjore and waiting to meet the sisters near the entrance of the Moore market. As Sadhana finished her final year project, her guide allowed her to take a break for Ten days before the project submission week. The girls meet at the entrance of the Moore market exchanging loud hi’s and deep hugs. Then Vandhana introduces Parvathi to Sadhana and Sadhana to Parvathi and encouraged them to say hi to each other. Now that they have done all the possible morning activities, they are all ready for the breakfast and for some searching of breeze.

As per Vandhana’s agenda the Friday is for searching breeze. On the basis of some little information she knew breeze was some where in Tambaram. She thought of meeting kaushik who is her buddy from college, he is also helping Vandhana to find breeze as they all studied together. They arrive at Tambaram by a suburban train. They all meet kaushik. kaushik is introduced to parvathi. They plan the day while they were having breakfast at a hotel.

Vandhana says to Kaushik...I think this breeze is deliberately dodging away from us...doesn’t even

return our calls....I’d be completely happy to think about this trip if we get to meet Breeze.

They had checked the accommodation where breeze had stayed during the college days and even after.

They met their mutual friends, mutual friends of mutual friends to inquire about their lost buddy.

They had tried too many of Breeze’s probable numbers which they got when they had inquired.

Nothing had happened till now. No one could help them to find their way to their Breeze.

Vandhana and Kaushik went to their college to say HI to their professors, and also to tell what were they   up to with their lives...in the meanwhile Sadhana and Parvathi where relaxing in a nearby coffee shop. Then Sadhana receives a message from Varsha, saying where are you people and what are you up to.

The college buds had returned after getting their interim blessings from their professors who cursed them and wondered about their role in planet Earth while they where students.

They troop had missed their Lunch.

Kaushik wanted a lunch time booze. So they all left to a recreational place where they serve booze and food. A tiny buzz had showed up in the people...leading to a decent high with the help of few smokes.

Sadhana and Vandhana always had good hold on pencils and brushes, Sadhana says that drawing skills are apparent in man like all other skills a man possess.

Sadhana in her buzz! Managed to draw a picture of Kaushik. It was subjected to rave reviews! Later she gave it a name Karadi Kaushik (bear)

The day light had winded up.

Kaushik left with the happiness of meeting his old college buddy and with small amount of sadness that they couldn’t make it to breeze.

Vandhana calls Bala Abirami while they were having tea in a local tea shop, she asked her to come and pick them.

Sadhana calls Varsha and asked her to come to Trisulam railway station where they were going to meet and pick her. Before they hung up, Varsha asked what was up for the night and she told that she never wanted to get drunk. Sadhana replied one beer would do nothing so chill!

Bala left her work place after her day was over to pick Vandhana and gang.

Varsha leaves from home to catch train to Trisulam.

Vandhana and the gang waiting for their ride to trisulam.

After getting the ticket Varsha was waiting for the train to come so that she is off to Trisulam. As she was waiting, she checks out the guys on the platform, she found this pretty tall young man coming to her.

he asked....

Pretty Tall Young Man- excuse me! The trains to Trisulam come to this platform?

Varsha- Yes.

Pretty Tall Young Man - Ok, Thank you. Are you also to Trisulam ?? if yes, can we board the train together?

Varsha- Sure.

They get on the train and found seats to sit comfortably.

They sit in such a way that people can tell that They are the lovers of the 21st century.

The Pretty Tall Young Man struck a conversation with her...

He asked her name. He told his. He said that he was new to the place, he said where he studied and where he worked, he also said why he was going to Trisulam(he was going to meet his girlfriend who he had kept waiting for long time and now she is about to burst like a volcano...so he has to reach her before she erupts...so no time). She listened to him with a sense of hospitality. After some time they had lost their conversation. He had slept subtly for a while before he had to get down at Trisulam to manage an eruption of drama.

The station arrived they parted by shaking hands and exchanging smiles.

Varsha started her walk to the exit. As she walks along the square shaped designer holes of the station wall, she sees four girls standing in a circle in front of the Trisulam station discussing something.

Varsha shows up in front of the station, shouts hi Sadhana!! The group turns to her. Varsha sees that Sadhana has changed her hair style once again. They hug each other, varsha says I have to pee bro so take me somewhere. Sadhana says yes bro me too, let’s take on the available earth. Varsha says let’s give back to the nature what we had taken from her (both shout Boyhood!!).

Then Sadhana introduces Varsha to them! To varsha, they all looked tired as they were searching for their long lost friend all day.

Bala says so guys wats up! Where are we drinking tonight!.  And Where do we stay after booz asked Bala, Varsha said I have a friend who has an apartment, so we don’t have to worry about the stay.

They have planned to drink to neck, in a decent AC bar. Varsha noticed Bala’s height and she see her drive through the city traffic like Jhansi ki Rani speeding on her war horse.

They reached near the decent Ac Bar... Bala warns everyone to take their bags with them as they won’t be returning in the same car and would be returning by a taxi.

They leave the car in a safe place and walked to the Ac Bar...

A car, an i-phone, boasting, only English mixed Tamil, A little extra awesomeness on her...reminded

Varsha of her friend Balajothi... She also found the similarities in their names which she felt spooky!

The mallu girls got close so quickly...they had started their work on to give a joyful drinking session, with more Malayalam movie references and folk songs which were readily composed by Parvathy, Sadhana felt relieved. She was worried about her friends mingling with Varsha...she knows very well that Varsha gels up with new people if they were all ready to...

At the same time Sadhana and Bala were readily laughing at the references of Malayalam jokes and Parvathi’s folk songs...even though they had no idea what they meant.

At the decent Ac Bar.

Whiskey was not available, so they all ordered beer...Varsha always thought, a drink always helps to get along with new people rapidly.

They all said cheers to the new people they had met that evening...to the new people that were added to their lives that night...Cheers!!!

Now that the beer is flowing along the curves.
The decent Ac bar’s air is filled with love, true love for their friends and for the fellow human beings.

Vandhana and Varsha talked briefly about this Oscar nominated Jeff Bridges starer movie, Hell or high water. Which Vandana watched when she was in US.

Parvathi had dug out this Malayalam movie memorabilia, a famous dialogue said by Pappu chetan when he was totally out “Nee taasskki viliyedda (call the taaskki(taxi))”...these dialogue came out from each and every mouth that was available. They were totally happy and out.

Varsha smashed all the residue left in the bottles that was left Unintentionally. This act of Varsha made the girls hysterical and love Varsha even more...

Sadhana proudly said to Vandhana that Varsha was going to attend Pune film institute exam which she never bothered to write...she also said that Varsha was an un-adulterated human being she has ever Known...followed by Varsha saying that I had never understood this statement of Sadhana’s and I am not responsible for it.

Bala Abiraami confessed about the problem she faced when she was shit drunk, she remembered to

Order her wine in between drinks...in the meanwhile she also had taught the waiter what a wine was and why it is consumed...

Shakthi who was not in town called Sadhana to enquire about the situation, she sobbed... and said it was a grave mistake going home at this kind of time. She asked us to keep her a beer aside, so that it would help her cry and repent for missing this eventful gathering when she returns in the morning.

They have left 15 of 17 beers bottles for the waiter to carry away. The rest 2 bala takes back home, one for her and another for Shakthi.

As they walk back like a snake, Parvathi strikes the chord! By saying that we all have become

paambu(Malayalam reference for the kind of shaky, unsteady, trippy walk showcased by a drunkard).

They managed to come out of  the decent Ac bar, walked a few distance...

Varsha Calls Shivani to say that they were all are drunk and did not know where they were lying. Shivani  asks  varsha to share the location, so that she can book and send a cab to bring them to her apartment.

Varsha managed to share the location.

They are waiting for the taxi to come and pick them...

Shivani comes on her bike along with the taxi...on seeing Shivani, Varsha couldn’t resist showing her Love for her...she hugged her so tightly.

Shivani helped them to get on the car...Taxi moves

Varsha had showcased yet another performance for the day, which forced Parvathi to give her The Title, Paambu of the night. Varsha who was totally out. she said, she wanted to puke...the car was asked to stop immediately. Shivani who was short behind them was puzzled! about the stopping. Varsha jumped from the car in a cinema fashion...to puke all 360 degrees around, she remembers the face of a Assame girl standing along with her friends and seeing her puke so wildly!

Again the Taxi moves

Shivani settles the taxi.

Takes them to the flat...

Varsha...introduces vandhana, parvathi, Bala Abirami to shivani.

This gathering of the friends consoled them, encouraged them to live the life so that they could unwrap more happiness.

In the morning Shakthi seemed better with her beer, sitting across the balcony and watching them immersed in sleep with all the longings for the life that they are about to live.